Monday, June 23, 2014

The path that I walked in, no one understands... I feel nothing but full of sorrows.

Recently there is just too much problems. And mainly is just because of relationship. Yes, Relationship. And it's just how funny that I'm actually losing feelings for my own girlfriend since few months back. Every time when there are problems, she will tend to make it big. And worst of all, always hanging the sentence "I'll leave you" or "Let's Break up" at her mouth. I'll always tend to make things better again because I know that I can and just because I love her too much. Now? Things are much more different, until 1 month back when she decided to really break up with me, my heart is already dead. Coming to a point of just giving up.

Guess what? When I met new friends, eventually I met this girl. The way she talks and put a smile on people, really attracts me. But what I'm about to say next, is the worst nightmare and pain that nobody can ever imagine.  We talked to each other everyday, and eventually exchanged numbers. And this is where things gets a little bit Fucked Up. I was so devoted to this girl that when my girlfriend wanted to change and want me back because she loves me a lot, I didn't even think twice about it and just heck care her because my heart was already with this girl.

This girl here, had the same interest and hobbies as I am. Both of us are into music, which is another plus point for me. I talked to her, hang out with her, and that's where feelings starts to come in. I started going head over heels for her, doing the things that she wanted to do for a long time, like writing songs etc. She here, has her own relationship problem, which was exactly the same as mine. Quarrelled everyday, and eventually, shit happens. She broke up one month back, and last night she asked me this, "One day if I have a boyfriend, will you still treat me as good as now?" Which I already knew that most likely she will patch back with her ex. And tada ~ I'm right. I hit the nail 100%. To be honest, My girlfriend wanted me to be back by her side, but I rejected because of this girl. I don;t know what I did was right or wrong, But the way I treat her, is like a princess. And now after hearing what the girl told me, my heart literally sank.

I don't know what to do either. But I guess I had already make the decision. I think it's best if I leave her and just back off. Yes, I may like this girl, but deep down in me, I still love my girlfriend more. Life is just so fucked up. I drank all the way making myself drunk and just forget everything. And now, I guess I had make my decision. I'll win my girlfriend back and guessed what? It's our 25th months together..

To Princess: I hope the choice that you had made, will not make you regret. And I wish you all the best. May our path cross one day in the next life. And last long with your boyfriend. I'll always be there for you as a close friend. Although I may have gone back to my girlfriend, But I just want you to know that I will still help you no matter what. Even if he hurts you, I'll crush his skull and send him to hell. And last but not least, may you be happy always, Don't always cry and be strong. Don't let him hurt you again. Always remember what I said because I won't be there any more to remind you and put a smile on you. And try to forget the boy who puts a smile on you everyday as time pass by... Things will get better I guess....

Friday, January 10, 2014

I'm never once perfect for you..... :(

New year has came. But things got much more worst.. Thinking back about our pasts, trying so hard to be good towards you and things are still being the same. Still remember last time, trying my very best to win your heart. And I remembered you said that age gap is by 2 years and it's impossible. But I convinced you, telling you that age doesn't matter. So long as we have the heart, it will always be good. End up you agreed and we were together. Till now, a lot have changed. Me, Becoming worst, getting violent and angry over small things. Yes, I did promised you that I will change. To be honest, I have been trying my very best to change just for you.

I just feel that I'm stupid and useless. I ain't perfect... Couldn't do anything much. Last time still can cheer you up and make you happy. Now? Cheer you up but nothing works. When you told me today during break time that "He broke up got one good and bad thing. One good thing is that you can be with him, bad thing is he still missed his ex." After hearing this, I was shocked and straight away sad. Because I loved you a lot and I wouldn't want this kind of thing to happened. Yes, last time I had curfew,  but after that I can go out with you till late and even send you home every time. I know, I'm not perfect. Trying my very best to give you happiness. Struggling is a good thing in relationship because it really taught me how to tackle and solved these problems.

I know that I'm violent and get angry easily. I'm a;ready trying my best not to be violent. But most important of all is to control my anger. I need anger management. I just don't wanna lose you. I loved you a lot and never wanna leave you. Just fuck my life. I know, I'm always the one in the wrong. Giving in to you every time and sacrifice myself just to make you happy. I don't want to see you sad or even angry. As there is a saying that goes "When in a relationship, it doesn't matter who apologize first because not that one is wrong and the other is right. It's just that you value your relationship more than your ego". I'm really sorry for all the things that I had done and I just want to let you know that I'm already trying my best to be a better boyfriend. I know that time when you go through all the way just to make me jealous and treat you better.

Yea, I did get jealous, and learnt my lesson to treat you better. So please don't leave me can? Because I really need you in my life and you completed my life. I just wanna spend my whole life with you till I die. I'm really sorry. :'(


Please forgive me? :(  I'm trying my very best to make up for my own mistakes that I have done... I really love you a lot and I don't wanna lose you.. :'( Till death do us apart... <3

Monday, October 28, 2013


It's been a long time since I last blogged and I guessed this time will be my rant and my feelings about the things that happened from last year till now. Been through a lot of ups and downs in relationship. What's more worst? I'm stucked in between both my mum and my girlfriend. Most pressurised thing that ever happened to me in my 20 years of life on this earth. Was quarreling with my girlfriend over my "curfew". I know, it sucks to have curfew. Who likes it? But worst thing, we quarrelled till she says words that hurts me so deeply, just like a thousand knives that had just pierced throught my heart. I'm already trying my best to be a good son and a good boyfriend. My mum brought me up till now, yes, i know it's hard to fight for my freedom but i'm already trying my best. My girlfriend is the most precious thing to me.

I don't want to lose both of them. But this thing just keeps coming back. Who can I even talk to about my own problems? No one but just kept to myself. I love my girlfriend a lot and I have done a lot of things for her. Although she said things that hurtse deeply, i don't really mind. Because I'm used to people saying me :') I know what she said is meant for my own good. Trying to balance everything and being in the middle is really hard. I just cant lose both of them. I'm really very pressurised. Don't know what I should do. But just sit in this cold dark room and just cry myself to sleep. Tears rolling down and I just can't control it. :') All these times, I have been asking myself this, " I have been trying my best to understand people around me. But what about them? Do they understand about me?" Sigh. Life is just full of surprises and shits. It's either you are living in a blissed life or in a pathetic life. Some might even have both. I guess I'll just keep everything to myself and just live on. I just can't afford to lose my girlfriend because I love her a lot. She is the missing piece of puzzle to my complete life. Without her I'm nothing..... :') I guess that's all that I have to say... To my dearest baby girl, I'm sorry and I will try my very beat to change for you amd fight for my freedom. :') I love you.... :')

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Start Of My New Life, As A Poly Student...

It has been a long time since I last blog. Well, all those previous posts was kinda emo shit though. Alright, enough of dwelling the pasts and I shall talk about the present now.
17th April was the official start of Poly. Well, for Republic Poly. The first day of school went well for me, until I slowly get to know all of my crazy classmates. They were kind of funny, sociable and friendly too. Not to forget helpful ! I shall name a few classmates. Haha ! :D First is Bruce, Who is a little bit of an asshole at times, but, he has a kind heart. When I was sick, he drove me to Causeway point to see the doctor. He even waited for me. This I must really thank him from the bottom of my heart. If he had never send me to causeway point to see the doctor, I would have collapse and sent to the hospital due to high fever. Another classmate is Nicholas, aka James. He is the most  funniest person of all, and to put it in a way, a joker. Hahaha ! He is actually very easy to disturb but at the same time, he is a bit of smart. Although he always ask me to help him "da bao" food.  Well, I sometimes don't like my classmates joking around saying that I fail my BTT. Yes, I failed 2 times, but at least I bother to retry again. Well, now is end of semester 1, and when semester 2 starts, we will be splitted up and with our new classmates. I will miss them a lot. Here's a picture of my crazy class. :D

 Next, is this special girl that I wanna talk about. Her name is Charley. She step into my life on 23th May 2012, and we have been together for 3 month plus now, soon going to be 4 months. And here's our crazy love story. It all began when school starts, we barely talked to each other, and out of boredom, I decided to disturb her everyday. The moment when she enter the facilitator room everyday, I would say this to her " Eh ! Wrong class ! Wrong class ! " Haha ! How funny it was. Then, a lot of crazy stuffs begin to happen. I was in this team, with this china girl, name Xin Ling, and at the same time, the same team with Charley as well. We were having Engineering Design then. I started having a small crush on Xin Ling, and then, when I got her number like 2 weeks later, I begin texting her..  Then, at the same time I decided to get Charley's number as well. Everyday I would text Charley, asking her for help. Haha ! She would always help me out and giving ,me advises. Soon, I slowly start to realized that Xin ling was just an Eye candy after all, as I have started to develop feelings for Charley. Everyday we would text each other, cheer each other up when we are down. 2-3 weeks later, I started to confess to her, I thought that it was impossible for us to be together as after all, she was 2 years older than me. But I remember telling her that in Love, age does not matter at all, and I prove her wrong. I still remember I always call her Auntie, Maria and all sorts of funny names.23rd May 2012 marks the day we got together, And this was the first couple picture that we ever took !
Since that day till now, these past 115 days of being together, we have gone through thick and thin, ups and downs, and lots of quarrel. I know, you have always feel that you are in the wrong and you always the one who start the quarrel first. But I have to say, all of us are in the wrong too. Sometimes I'm the one who start the quarrel first. I know, I'm a fickle minded person. I'm sorry for all the things that I had done. But other than all these, we have been through happy times too. Each day that I'm with you, I fell more deeper in love with you. You are my one and only girl that I will be with and nobody can ever replace you in my heart. I know, other than this, we have other problems like family problems. I know that your dad is such a jerk that he doesn't wanna give you all money to eat, making you all skip meals and just eat one meal per day. I know this sucks and sometimes I feel like just whacking him but I can't. The more I look at how worst your family situation is, the more I feel and think that I must work hard and provide you a good living environment and not to stay in this kind of shitty environment. I want to give you a good life. Other than that, is my family side's problem. I know, My sis had been talking about you, saying those words that hurt your feelings. I'm very sorry for that. And as for my mum, I know she want me to find a girl who is younger than me and more pretty. But like I said, I will never ever find other girls other than you as you are my one and only Baby girl that I will ever want to be with till death do us apart. Now it's passed 12am !  Happy 116th Days Baby ! I love you ! <3

Saturday, March 3, 2012


3rd March 2012, today is the very day that you had stepped into my heart.... ^^ Had alot of fun time together, jamming, looking at you learning to play the drums so seriously. and you improved alot although you just started learning today ! Haha.. and you were also so cute. we walked so fast yet you are trying to catch up with us. Guess what ? And you almost lost your way. Hahaha :P I hope that i can see you again.. real soon.. ^^

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Momentum

I wonder what's this feeling that im having now ? I really wished I can know it too. Lets take Friend A and Friend B for example. Friend A asked Friend B to go out to watch movie tmr, B was excited at first, but after 20 mins, A told B that "Tmr i cant make it. Very Sorry". B has no feelings at first, and said "nvm, it's alright :) ". But soon, B felt abit disappointed and he just....totally shut himself out. Things was going easy at first, But soon it started to change, and B is just at his own wits end, going to break down at any moment now, but he still managed to stand strong.
Now, How i wished things can really just change for the better.

How i really wished that she could see this now... :

" Save your heart
For someone that's worth dying for
Don't give it away
Torn apart
Never getting what you've been crying for
It's always the same"

" Save your heart
For someone who leaves you breathless
And I know that you're scared
Seems like someone said you had it in you
All along you said you knew this was wrong
But still worth dying for"

 I felt like crying but i just cant. But deep within me, my heart is crying and shedding the tears of blood.. :')

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Can i just drink and get knock out and just cry out all of my feelings like a bitch ? really cant take it anymore. I just wanna die ! emoing forever eh ? haha. Guess i was too naive :')

Ps : I will respect your decisions :')