Monday, May 9, 2011

From the day i knew you till now, i will never regret knowing you even if i were to die......

I really don't know whether i should be happy or sad about it. there is this girl whom i met at the starting of the year. Her name was Ariel. I met her through my friend, Haiqal who was her boyfriend. We knew each other from the day we played badminton together in school. Well, we have been quite close for some time, chatting in facebook and smsing. Guess what? i promise to help Haiqal and her to last long as Haiqal was the sort of a guy who always flirts around with other girls. But instead of helping them, i'm thinking that i was a pain in the ass. I really wanted to help them so much but end up, i fell deeply in love with her. The way she talks and behave, really resembles the girl that i once fell in love deeply with, who was Wan Ting. Well, time flies now and i just think that im just treating Ariel badly. Threatening to die and stuff. I really wanted her to forget about me. I'm just a third party in between them. I blame myself for that. But the more i look at how haiqal tret her, i really feel like bashing him up. The way he tries to act innocent infront of her, and flirting with other girls behind her back, i really feel that she is not being treated properly. He even wanted to buy a couple necklace or keychain for her where he only knows how to flirt behind her back. Not just only this, he also burrows money from Richmond to buy the necklace that time as that necklace was the one he asked me to choose for. But, everytime i told her that it was my fault, she would just say 'No luh... not ur fault..." but it really is my fault. I blame myself for it, i hate myself alot! but now, im trying my very best to stay away from her, just wanted her to forget about me. I sometimes think of ending my life but she always say no and with a sad face.. I really wanted to cry but i just can't. There is a saying that goes "if you really like her, just let her go to find her own happiness". that's what im trying to do now. I know i cant compare with Haiqal. i just wanted bher to be treated with proper care and be happy. But i tell myself this: " Even if i'm really gone one day, i don't regret knowing you. Knowing you was the best thing in my life". Im happy with it. But the way that i am doing now, is it really worth it? Haiqal already knew that i like her. I'm really tired of all these shit. i just feel like ending my life now... :(
To Ariel: If you happen to read this now, I'm really sorry for doing all these. From the day till now, i dont regret knowing you yea? Stay happy always. If im really gone one day, dont cry.You are a big girl now.. and i dont expect to see a single tear rolling down your cheeks yea? I will still look after you somewhere from above yea?  promise me to take care of yourself. Maybe after you have read these, i might even gone now.... :')